


Reflection

by Kispexi2



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-18
Updated: 2009-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-08 03:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/72121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kispexi2/pseuds/Kispexi2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanzo holds his breath. He doesn't want to hear this. Doesn't want to hear about Goku kissing girls. About Goku kissing anyone. The smart thing to do right now would be to get up and open the door, but he can't seem to move.</p><p>"It wasn't ... like I thought it'd be."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Beta thanks to Moshesque

There's something on Goku's mind, something he's managing – miraculously – to keep to himself. In fact, ever since Hazel's demise, Ukoku's disappearance and a return to as close to normal as Sanzo's life ever gets, Goku has scarcely said a word. Even now, in prime Annoy Sanzo time, he's sitting quietly, biting his nails, with a far-away look in his eyes.

It's getting on Sanzo's nerves.

"If you've got something you want to say, monkey-"

"Waaah!"

Goku jumps - literally _jumps_ \- out of his seat and Sanzo's mildly curious, niggling irritation turns instantly into full-blown, angry suspicion. He shoots Goku a narrow-eyed glare.

"What's going on?"

"Hunh?"

Goku's response _sounds_ innocently uncomprehending enough but the flush racing up his neck and over his cheeks is a dead give-away; he's feeling guilty. Sanzo clicks his tongue. The idiot's probably broken something, or lost something, or done something utterly stupid. Sanzo decides to give him one last chance to confess – an approach he considers hugely patient, given the circumstances.

"What's going on?"

Goku shrinks back into his chair and curls into a tight ball.

"Dunno what ya mean."

Okay. That's it.

Sanzo folds his paper, slowly and deliberately, shaking the pages into place so that they rattle menacingly in the too-quiet room. Then he gets to his feet and stalks over to where Goku is sitting.

"What -" -He plants a hand down heavily on the left arm of Goku's chair. "- the hell -" He slaps his other hand down on the right arm. "- have you done?"

Trapped in his seat, all Goku can do is cringe as Sanzo looms over him, and he turns away, trying to hide his face in the chair's padded wing.

"Nothin'."

"Is it something I'm going to have to sort out?"

"No!"

"Is it going to interfere with the journey?"

"No! It's nothin' like that!"

"Aha! So there _is_ something."

Goku's mouth twists and his eyes squeeze shut.

"It's nothin'!"

Sanzo is a heartbeat away from whacking him around the head but then a better, far more appropriately painful means of getting Goku to own up occurs to him.

"You _will_ tell me, monkey. Because you are not leaving this room until you do."

Goku flicks him a wary, sideways glance, as if he can't quite believe he's got away with lying so easily and Sanzo has to look the other way to conceal a smirk. It's half past twelve; in exactly fifteen minutes, Goku's going to realize he hasn't got away with anything. Leaving the moron to savour what he's foolish enough to think a reprieve, Sanzo walks over to the door and locks it. Lighting up another cigarette, he returns to his own seat, reopens his paper and settles down to wait.

At first, there's nothing. Then, the merest hint of a gurgle. Five minutes later, there's a rumble, then another and another, rising in volume and duration, and culminating in an undeniable growl.

"Sanzo ... I'm hungry."

"They serve lunch at one. I think Hakkai said it's pork shogayaki today."

The next growl is more of a roar and Sanzo has to lift his paper higher to hide a triumphant grin.

Somewhere out in the hallway, a clock strikes one and, on the other side of the room, Goku's stomach yowls in protest.

"_Sanzo_!"

Sanzo sniffs the air. Even with the door closed and _without_ the advantage of youkai super-senses, he can detect the nutty sweetness of sesame oil and a pungent whiff of garlic. Goku must really be suffering.

"Hmm. Smells like there's gyoza on the menu too."

Goku makes a noise like a soul in torment.

"_Sanzo_!"

"Whenever you're ready ..."

There's a long, long pause, then the hiss of air being sucked in through clenched teeth.

"I... well ... Have ya ever kissed a girl?"

"What?! _No_."

"No?"

Goku frowns and chews his lip. Obviously 'no' wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Has a girl ever kissed _you_?"

Sanzo is not answering that one. It's irrelevant. And none of Goku's fucking business anyway.

"I want you to tell me what you've done, you dimwit," he snarls, determined to put a quick end to this random nonsense. "Not listen to your stupid questions about-"

"There was a girl. In the youkai village."

Goku's face is deadly serious. This girl was somehow important to him, not just someone he happened to meet. Sanzo's stomach contracts and he feels a little sick - but that must be because he hasn't eaten since last night, not because-

"She kissed me."

Sanzo snorts out a laugh. It sounds strangely bitter.

"More fool her."

"It-"

Sanzo holds his breath. He doesn't want to hear this. Doesn't want to hear about Goku kissing girls. About Goku kissing anyone. The smart thing to do right now would be to get up and open the door, but he can't seem to move.

"It wasn't ... like I thought it'd be."

He sounds wistful, deflated, and Sanzo realizes he's _glad_.

"What were you expecting? Hearts and fucking flowers?"

"I thought ... I thought it'd be like the best fight an' the best meal ever rolled into one, ya know?"

Sanzo freezes, caught in an imaginary, all-exposing spotlight. He knows _exactly_ what Goku means. A delicious, exhilarating fight.

"Anyway," - Goku folds his arms across his chest and sets his jaw. - "it doesn't matter cuz I'm not gonna let anyone kiss me ever again."

All of a sudden, Sanzo feels a lot less glad.

"Pfft. Idiot!"

"I mean it! She kissed me, Sanzo ... I liked her, she kissed me an' then she died. I don't want anythin' like that ever happenin' again!"

Goku's nostrils flare and his chin thrusts forwards, every inch of him challenging Sanzo to tell him he's being ridiculous, but Sanzo can't think of a single thing to say. All he can do is remember Koumyou - arms outstretched, shielding him. And blood. Thick, sticky blood. Reeking. Obscenely meaty. On the floor, his clothes, his hands. Condemning him to loneliness and locking him inside a prison of his own fears.

"Sanzo?"

Until that voice - that irritating, murder-worthy voice - began calling him.

"Sanzo?"

Yeah. _That_ voice.

Sanzo gets to his feet and crosses the room. Seizes Goku by the shoulders, leans in and kisses him. He only means it to be a brush of lips, to prove a point, but Goku gasps and suddenly his mouth is open and it's the easiest, most natural thing in the world for Sanzo to slide his tongue into it, to tilt his head to the side and push deeper into the darkness and when Goku stiffens, he kisses him harder, pressing his tongue to the roof of Goku's mouth, to the soft, wet walls of his cheeks - thrusting and goading, sucking and biting until Goku snaps out of his shock and kisses him back, fierce and hungry, refusing to yield a single inch that Sanzo doesn't insist on taking.

They're breathless when they pull apart and Sanzo's down on his knees, between Goku's legs. The skin around his mouth feels wet and raw and, as he wipes it dry with the back of a hand, Goku touches a couple of incredulous fingers to his own lips.

"Ya kissed me!"

He looks amazed. Sanzo's fairly surprised himself but he's good at pretending he's got everything under control.

"It's not going to kill me, if that's what you're thinking."

Goku's brows draw together, wrinkling the skin between them.

"What about _me_?"

"It's not going to kill you either, stupid," Sanzo tells him. And then he laughs. Because, for the first time in his life, he actually believes it.

But - just to make sure - he clambers up into Goku's chair with him and, sitting astride his thighs, cups his face in both hands and kisses him, again and again and again.


End file.
